SOULcial Salute June 2024
by Greg DeMarco
Funeral Pre-Planning Is More Gift Than Task
Jeanne McGill, CSA, has spent the last 27 years consulting families in planning funerals. The most frequent comment she’s heard from adult children after their parents’ death is “Why didn’t somebody tell me?!” It is a reaction to the processes, documents and decisions required. More than a few of the over 60 decisions have significant legal, financial and emotional implications, and with lasting consequences if mishandled.
“It’s all about educating!” Jeanne exclaimed. “People don’t know what they don’t know”. She is passionate about educating and enlightening folks. But you’re probably wondering, as did I, what brings someone to this profession?
A New Field For Reaching And Teaching People
For Jeanne, her entre’ to funeral planning followed tapping out the possibilities during 15 years of professional clowning. Well, that, a desire to reach people, and a brother in law(and pastor) who had been in the business in college. He knew she had the right stuff and he encouraged her, with his mentorship, to give it a try.
So, like learning clowning, Jeanne went in head-first and didn’t stop. First, she realized it is a business and the Pre-Planner role is the salesperson for the funeral home. She did that for enough time to learn the business. However, she was always more interested in educating and so eventually opened her own independent company.
A Lot Of Ground To Cover
With good experience and unquenchable desire to learn Jeanne quickly became skilled at informing groups publicly as well as guiding clients in planning funerals. From wills and healthcare directives to Medical Assistance rules, elder law attorneys, and disposition. Then there is mortuary law, insurance policies, burial accounts and death certificates. Jeanne has become a bona fide expert in the profession. “I’ve learned to teach what I see people are unaware of and/or struggling with.” Jeanne explained.
Not Planning Has Costs Beyond Money
The big lesson is understanding we only have today, and there’s no guarantee of tomorrow. Hence the value of planning. “I’ve seen many adult children left very upset with their late parent for leaving such a mess behind. And it’s all avoidable!” Jeanne added. She went on to explain, “Survivors just want to know what you want. They are saying “Don’t make me agonize over guessing at your wishes. Don’t put me in a position of making decisions about things we’ve never discussed.”
The pandemic actually helped some people realize you don’t always have as much time as you may think. This helped pre-planning become better known and accepted. So now, planning sooner than later makes more sense to people.
Above And Beyond The Call
There is good teaching of course. Jeanne helps clients talk through all the elements of the plan including, family values and legacy, grieving, life celebration, belief systems around death (we all have one), and rituals. It’s about philosophy and Jeanne keeps it conversational.
Over and above the technicalities, as significant as they can be, is the value of personal presence for survivors. The magic of clowning is drawing you out of your protective shell. In her work Jeanne’s personality makes it safe to be vulnerable and let the grief out in small ways.
Practicing What She Preaches
Jeanne shared “I am forever grateful for all that working around death has done for me and my family to appreciate every day”. There are no guarantees. There was the deer they hit in Montana that made an impression. And Jeanne almost died in 2014 from an autoimmune disorder. “We say ‘I Love You’ often in our household.” she summarized.
Once some school friends hassled her kid over “I Love You” before driving to the game. “Does your mom think we’re going to die going to football?” Her kid knew better~. “I’ve seen adult kids beg their parent to say “I Love You” to them before they die.” Jeanne sighed.
Priceless Gifts Go Both Ways
An 80-something client once told Jeanne “Working with you taught us to say “I Love You”. What a difference it has made for all of us in our remaining time together!” Another adult son stayed respectful in serving his parents in their dying, despite their lifetime of awful behavior toward him. After their passing Jeanne told him “Thank you for being so graceful with your parents. He said “I really appreciated your saying that”.
“Jeanne met with my mom to plan her funeral. She explained costs and and was gracious and very knowledgable. I know this planning not only saved money but it saved emotional stress. The only thing I wish mom would have included were the hymns at her church funeral. All the other details were spelled out thanks to Jeannie.” Eunice K. Neubauer, CSA, Choice Connections.